The Furnace Speaks

Steeping in smoke
In the heat of my own emissions
Black tar resin closing the gaps in my grill
To form a cast iron mask
Blocking my dim world from view
Darker and darker
As light fades through cement block casement windows

The fuel is long gone
The fire is burning ash to ash refined
Smoke turns an unhealthy blue
As my pot belly immolates with unquenchable heat

If I could speak beyond the clanging of my gate
The popping of plate against plate
And the hiss and creak of expanding joints
My voice would be smoke and signify nothing
There are things I won’t remember
Burning down to component elements
My mouth is full of ash
Pouring from the belly of the beast

The Argonaut

So, there’s this girl, and she’s you
And you
And you don’t
Know…
No, because, she
(You)

And the music is so
Lo-oud-oud
So fucking
And you…

I can
(Can I hear you? is that possible?)
In the hall I’m waiting
And
Outside the
Away
From all the lights
Making me shake epileptic
Paroxysms
Holding my breath
Blinking focus

And I know
Because
See,, I’m standing between
The bathroom and the exit
I’m
It’s pathetic
I know
Expect
Hope
Because eventually all particles cross
So…
Probability suggests
(I am so suggestible sometimes)

And there you
Because
I was staring at my phone
I wasn’t looking

You couldn’t have been
Rising on half shell
From a pool of
Sex, sweat, and drugs
The crush of the crowd
And viscous sound
An ingénue with her retinue
Resplendent

High on her cloud
Surrounded by a sharp wall of “it” girl adherents
Teeth flashing like sabers
Tongues cut to ribbons

I am
(What’s the better part of valour?)
I can’t remember
To…….saaaaaay…(?)
I can smell the nape of your neck
I can feel the warmth
Tender skin
Under your forearm
Trace your feathers
An illuminated map to undiscovered worlds
Of alien pleasures
Impossible visions
To make a man mad
And embrace madness like a lover

I was saying something
Your eyes streaked with ash
Shining indomitable
Smile
From
(Jesus Christ)
I never knew what lips were before
Like laughter from another room
Was there honey in that smile?
Was the light in those evening makeup eyes
A star that’s setting
Or a sun that’s rising

“Hey”
“Hey”
Where you’re going, where I’ve been
Ten seconds
Brief interview

Then the blank wall proves you aren’t there
Lingering air proves that you were

I had something to say
It’s in my pocket
Crushed like a flower

Did you know it was only molecules that separate us?
Gravity of matter into energy
Which are you
And me
The wall
The music
The floor
Stars
Lips
Music
Eyes

I..
I’ll see you again
Intrepid Argonaut, I am
Maybe next time
I’ll storm your defenses
Learn to be brave
Because all things are all things
All at once
There is a brave man
Somewhere

I’m going to stay here till the smell of you fades into memory only
Till it’s all in me

11:58 Loser

In the breathless struggle between 11:58PM and sleep
11:58 is losing
Billions of staggering iterations
Buried under one flannel sheet

Trading black for black
Blinking stars for weary memories
An elliptical loop
De-saturated transparent pictures
in unchronological order
Bumping out of balance
Against the back of my head
Tick tick
Tottering
Then continuing uncertainly

Fuck the Moon (Audio)

Fuck the Moon (Audio, read by author)

Honestly

I was honest with myself
I was truly, brutally honesty and open
So I got honesty from me in return
Though I hardly thanked myself

I’m not sure it brought our relationship any closer
And I’m not sure closer means stronger

Now I sit with myself
Shifting in uncomfortable silence
I turn on the TV
And I know I’m doing it so we don’t have to talk
And I know it to
And we say nothing

And…
It’s not that we don’t still care
I can’t imagine life without me

I’ll mutter a few clever words
And make us both laugh
Relieved for a moment
Till we sink again

They say that honesty is the answer to everything
At least the simplest answer
I’m sorry to say they’re lying

Understanding is the answer
But not an easy one

Living with the same person for that long
There are things you didn’t take the time to say
And you wonder if there is time left

At night I lay alone
And turn away from me
I pretend not to notice

Immutable

Pink roses droop heads like blushing soldiers,
at the dark pool of her hair;
and the balmy ambrosial breath at the white of her neck;
begs the question -”can never can stand forever?”

What happens when immutable objections meet an improbable force?

I drink coffee, cup after cup, till my teeth are stained like old linen table cloths and the Canadian bacon tastes like citric acid, strangely contrasting like cookie crumbs ground into dropped ashes.

“What I wonder is if she meant to do it on purpose,” I said. I was crossing and uncrossing my legs. My knees couldn’t get comfortable.

She was perched on a stool, delicately balanced looking down at me from that vantage.

“What does that matter?” she said.

Well it matters to me. I figure she either meant to do it to me maliciously or she did it because my feelings just didn’t matter. I just didn’t matter. Didn’t factor in.

Whether she wanted to destroy me or just didn’t care – it’s hard to say which is harder to comprehend.

“She was your lover, but she was never your partner,” she said.

“I know,” I said. “I’ve never had that. I don’t even know what that looks like.”

On my dresser is a statuette for the hanging of rope necklaces and chains – on the bottom the lovely figure of a curvy woman in a tight evening dress with a bend in the waist perfect for placing your hand and slit up to the thigh. Up top, there is no head and two wire arms for holding things.