Archive for January, 2011

Smoke

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 28, 2011 by unsensible

Every cigarette
is a milestone
putting one more stupid mistake behind me.

It’s comforting to know what they are
this time
to see them coming around the corner
like ragged bums and shaking addicts
in packs of 20.

And you know what’s coming next
that’s the appeal
though the impact of dead air
pains your lungs
and the smell is awful
and gets into everything
and in the morning
you cough up almost solid wads of salty mucus
that taste like ash into the toilet.

We favor the disgusting
if its also the familiar the and predictable.

But mistakes have a way of compiling
and impacting
till they take an unexpected shape
something different altogether.

At least I had a choice in the matter
This matter of untamable and unmerciful fate.

I empty the cut glass bowl of its ashen
debris
and start over.

In an hour
I’ll make another decision
and it will be my own.

Less than alive

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 28, 2011 by unsensible

We have to be careful
of spending time
doing things that are less than alive.
It can become a habit, like anything.

We could all in any moment
inflame ourselves
with hubric passions
to ignite the starry blacktop
like phosphenes before closed eyes
the total night
that must happen
when the body gives over.
But we don’t.
We play video games.
We watch television.

Death is total relaxation
a final enduring exhale
like the ultimate orgasm.

But
I am told you shit your pants.
Most people are less afraid of dying
then they are shitting their pants.

And everyone is around you
is making a spectacle of your body
which doesn’t have the sense
to shut its own eyes or legs or mouth
tongue lolling out stupidly
and now you’ve soiled yourself.

God is a sadist
or a practical joker.
All the dignity they try
to restore with make up
and chemicals
and plastic putty
was already shit away
in your last act of life
or first act of death.

Quite a way to make an exit.

You have to.
Be careful to spend your life alive.
Death has no sympathy for you;
you are not special to it.
Don’t be fooled by the constant
ridiculous Grin
over those pale white cheeks bones.

It’s laughing at you.
And it will.
The question is:
What are you going to do about it
while you still have some time?

Cat

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 28, 2011 by unsensible

Cat
you’re going bald and you’re old.
It isn’t your fault.
You’re still sleek and black on my lap
But your belly shows through white like a fawn
where the skin is bare
except for a thin wisp of hair.
Your ear is notched from where you bit the live wire
You’re wearing at the shanks like old upolstry.
Sometimes.
When you jump for the sofa you miss.
We all get old and
when that happens
we can roll along steady
till a single rock in the road
sends us flying.

Still
when you want to
you can jump from the floor to the bookshelf
with nothing to boost you.
Which is like me vaulting my ass
onto the roof of this one story ranch
in one leap.
Like Spiderman.
Maybe you’ve got a few good years left.
I hope so.
You look at me like you know me.
Your eyes are golden keyholes when you dream.

Astray

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 28, 2011 by unsensible

I miss my life.
I miss the life in my life.

The pain is in knowing that
everyone you knew
and whatever they said about you
that was so wrong
was also a little bit right.

Even the people that hate you.
Especially the people you hate.
Or.
You’d have no reason to hate them more.